Pain As An Invitation to Gentleness
Last weekend, our five year old began complaining of a hurting tummy late in the day. By evening, it was obvious she was ill with what I was hoping was something food-related, and therefore sure to be isolated and over relatively quickly.
What followed was a 72 hour marathon of three of our four children vomiting consistently, one of which was a two year old with zero sense of personal responsibility during said episodes.
As I comforted our children through very little sleep and quite a lot of grossness, I was struck by the invitation to gentleness held within a painful experience.
Who, in a loving family unit, doesn’t pity the one suffering the ailment? Kind, soft words. A glass of water. A cozy blanket. Help choosing a movie. I’m so sorry you’re sick and Do you need anything and We love you.
As a parent, an invitation to set the self aside and wrap a child in comfort, security, physical and emotional needs met. An experience hearkening back to the beginning, when given an unavoidable experience of pain in order to bring forth the beauty of new life, and the invitation to meet it gently.
Meeting the pain of childbirth with hostility, quite simply, multiplies the pain. As your body braces itself against pain, the tension grows, spreads, becomes a full-body unbearable experience.
Softening the pain of childbirth takes an extreme presence of mind and body, an ability to stay soft and let the pain diffuse, rather than intensify. I have done this to varying degrees of success through four births—including one epidural which was blissfully welcomed, so hear no natural birth superiority coming from my direction—and by far, my most peaceful and present moments were those that met the pain head-on with gentle acceptance and forbearance.
Preparing for and experiencing childbirth four times over taught me valuable lessons on how to endure pain, and, dare I say, turn pain into a net positive. Greeting pain with panic and a defensive posture takes no presence of mind or strength of character, only a basic desire to end the pain as quickly as possible.
On the other hand, turning pain into something of value takes preparation, intention, and great strength. This kind of strength can only be developed by calmly and patiently enduring with a gentle spirit, resetting the frame again and again as chaos threatens to tip the scales in the wrong direction. A gentle reception turns pain into a teacher and guide, rather than an enemy on the chase. Gentleness of spirit can be deepened by painful experience, polishing roughest edges to the radiant sheen of rock under river.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Galatians 5:22-24
